Kids will be kids. Archer and Andrew were playing in the mall fountain after watching the Hulk movie. They had so much fun! I think that they had more fun playing in the water then watching the movie- man it was really hot that day too! They are getting so big, it seems like yesterday that I was changing diapers and helping them walk. Now, there is Akira, she is about to be two years old...! Clarissa is 9 going on 21...man on man, I feel very old... Glad that I do not look it! LOL

Well, August 29....enough said. I have not posted anything because I feel numb- to the world. The sad thing is, that I really feel horrible that I was not the person that I should have been. What I mean, is that -I am 33 years old... Tiffanie is the youngest cousin on my mom's side of the family. She was 25 when she passed. I should have done my part to get to know her more. I see that side of the family at a birthday for the kids and or Christmas. Other then that, I don't make any attempt to see them. I know that it goes both ways. Somehow, any or all of us, should have made an attempt to be more close. But we don't. I made an attempt to reach out to my family, and at this time, there has not been any response. I am trying!

So, I go to this beautiful funeral, I sit with my family, I cry because the situation is very sad, and as I listen to the things that people say about Tiffanie, they are just simply amazing. I have been to my share of funerals, and by far, this the biggest turn out that I have ever seen. I sit there like a schmuck! I did not get up to say anything because I had nothing to say. I know that she loved horses, and that she was thick minded... I know that she did things the way that she wanted because that is what she wanted. I am ashamed that I did not know her and did not know the wonderful things about Tiffanie. The fact that these other people that were not biological family knew so much and I did not... again, I am ashamed. I should have been there talking in front of the church, telling these people how wonderful she was.

In the last few weeks, I have felt this overwhelming sadness. The words that she stated; that she feared that her kids would forget her. I also feel the sadness of my grandfather...people say that taking ones own life is a selfish way to go, but in this case, I feel that he took his life and was heroic. The fact that he did not want the family to suffer or wait on him hand and foot, takes a lot of consideration. After the autopsy, we found out that his heart had a large percentage of blockage, on top of the cancer.... he was doomed no matter what, it was just a time bomb.

Cancer!!! Why? In one year, there has been 3 deaths of Cancer in my family. Not to mention that Adam's mother passed away with Cancer. His grandmother just was diagnosed with breast cancer...they caught it on time.

I am very sad that this had to happen. Life is -it is what it is.