Lonely...

Being lonely really sucks. I am trying to keep a very positive outlook- Because I have to- I cannot let this make me insane...I do not need to be crazy on top of all the other issues I have in life. I still have moments where I will shed a tear or think to myself, I miss touch, holding/kissing and miss conversation/silence. I get to be around people that do those things, but at the end of the day, I am still coming to a empty home. I wake up alone, drive alone, and talk to myself, alone. I am thinking that is not good. Although I enjoy that I am alone at times-because everyone needs their space... just like as an only child... I was just the same... alone. I still miss dancing close to someone, holding, kissing, and just that human touch. I see people that are "in love" or whatever, and I am jealous. That is all I want. To feel wanted and special. I want to dance close to someone that wants me and cares for me for me- not what I can do or give. I do not think that is a lot to ask for. Why does it seem to be difficult. Why are men these days- retarded! Ignorant! Oblivious! to what a girl wants and or needs. We are not toys... we have emotions and feelings. I feel like there is nothing out there but all talk and no action. Extremely frustrating!

It seems that men these days are all about casual anything. No emotion, not feeling, no- nothing. Like holding hands is nothing to them. Kissing is nothing but an act... nothing to follow. What the freak'n heck! This is Bull-ship! Those things to me, are something special...something of acceptance and feelings... something that makes someone warm and fuzzy inside... and makes one nervous and happy all at the same time. I want more feelings more of them and more of these great feelings of happiness. I see all these great mushy stuff in movies, why the heck can't it be like that in real life. I want that... Notebook, Hope Floats...ect... love story. Passion and determination ... of the love that one can feel for the other. I know that it is out there... I see it. I see happy couples and couples that struggle, but at the end of the day - know that they are loved and love back. Simple acts of kindness to their loved one because they want to please their partner.