So, for weeks we have been without a manager at work. I do not know what happened... but it is what it is. Well, she resigned... Now a team that I have known for years is being broken up. I am on a team with people I do not know. I am really nervous that I cannot live up to the hype... I kinda feel lost. I wanna run away and start over. BUT I can't. I have school... I have health insurance...I make good money... So, I am stuck.... If I ran, then I am just being an ostrich, putting my head in the sand. That is the bird that hides from fear-right?
OK- one issues down and more to tell ya...
I just got the letter from the mortgage company stating that if I do not pay the mortgage that they will start the foreclosure process. This is becoming more real that I will be living with my parents and OMG.... well, it is a good thing and a bad thing too! I can save money and possibly get a new car...since my car is airless. I get to pay off debt and have no bill stress. I will, however, have my mothers stress... of my dogs... nagging... and a bunch more BS that is just too much to talk about. I am thankful...please do not get me wrong. It is just hard to live with parents after you are a parent too.
OK- more... you ask...
School.... I am not in the mood for it... however, I am stuck. I am not doing well... and I have to be in class. I have no time and the time that I do have... well, I don't wanna do it, cuz I have tooooooo much on my mind to concentrate. OR I am just plain tooooo tired to even keep my eyes open.
Adam... well, yesterday he said some hurtful things... and why I listened... I don't know... but I did. That he knew that we would not stay married forever... LIKE- what the hell is that... Why did you waste my time and yours... if you "knew" that we would not be together forever. I know that I played my part in this... but to say that. And then to follow up by me listening to his sad life and his ups and downs. FREAKING REALLY? I balled my eyes out- to put me to sleep. Was I that un-special? How can one say that they loved me when in the back of their mind they "knew" that we were not gonna grow old together...I know that we said our vows and that I left him for a short time. But you said that you have left too... so then why do you blame me for leaving. I didn't choose you... For heavens sakes... I was married to you... against everyone's wishes... and people pleading with me to end it. I came back and I did try to make what I could work.
I am soooo over this. I just want this damn divorce to be over....I just wanna find someone to love me and make me feel special. I am lonely... and it really SUX! I hate crying over stupid crap... and with the week that I have had... and it is only Tuesday.... I really don't need this. I am about to go postal on someone and end up in straight jacket.
So- recap.... MEN....moving at work.... moving at home...school... anyone want to add more to my plate?
2 comments:
I know it ALL seems overwhelming, but you will be sooooo thankful once you find someone that loves you for YOU! You will look back and kick yourself for ever having been with someone who didn't appreciate you! Don't engage in any more conversations about the past, move forward with dignity and be done! As for school, parents, etc., you'll get over all of that, too! Just take a deep breath, take things one day at a time and look forward to the future. Look at it this way, things can only go up from here, right? Hang in there...love ya!
Jess, you know that comment had everything to do with how your parents impacted our marriage and not anything to do with you and me. You also know that since i have been back here that i have not tried to hurt you in any way. i have been supportive of you living your life and moving on with dating and going new places and even having to defend you to superstar. I have said it before i just want you to be happy and find someone that can give you what i can't. that may make me retarded but that's been confirmed about me long ago. you are my closest friend and i trust you more than i do anyone else in this world and i am truly sorry for hurting you.
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