I am truly blessed. With a wonderful daughter... although head strong and moody... with friends that care and are there for me...and family for telling me how it is although it hurts.

Lately, I have had no energy... I am moving along life as it is coming. Just going with the flow. I am a little bit of a planner... so this is not easy. But easy enough. I really do not know what is in store for me... but I keep hoping for the best. That is all that I can do.

Clarissa and I are seeing a counselor... And I am hoping that I can find more of what is inside me, stand up for myself more, stand my grounds, and not be such a push over. It is really frustrating to be walked on and not realize it till it is too late. I am not a snappy come backer... so this is not easy! As for Clarissa... she holds in anger and it is hard for me to see that hurt and anger in such wonderful giving heart. Especially since she is only a 12 year old little girl. Is her innocence being taken from all this anger and resentment? Gosh- I hope not. Although I think that it is... So, I hope to see that she has a loving relationship with her father again one day. I hope to see her relax and not get so worked up over the little things that she most likely can let go of... and to see her be a kid again. In so many instances...we have forced her to be older then she had to be. I failed in that area... because I did not stand up and take charge. Gosh that is hard to say. I did not think that this parenting thing could be so hard. I thought, you love and live life to the fullest... and bammm- they are a wonderful person in the end. Am I making this all too hard? I am not to take all the blame, but I seem to think that I should. I would like to see her be my little girl again and laugh and love. I really want soooo much more- but I would be ok to see her just be a kid again... and go from there. I just remember never seeing the political side of the parent... as I was growing up! I did when I got older... but in the end.. I was a normal kid- riding my bike till dark, playing outside and having a blast... I remember camping, water skiing, hanging out with my friends, going to the mall and movies... I just lived my life to the fullest... I did not bother with the parent side of things because I was a kid... so how did Clarissa get in the middle of the parent stuff... I can't even remember when it all started... but I would like to try to stop it now!!!