Gosh, where do I begin.
Everyday, I get to see a sunrise and a sunset- and I see you Grandmama... I sure miss you... I know that you are watching over me in heaven and guiding me thru all my turmoil!
Grandpapa- I miss your hugs. I remember when I was little and there was just NO way that I could wrap my arms around your big and hard belly... so I settled on strangling your neck...lol
PopPop- gosh- it is always the silent ones that you have to look out for... I know that you are also helping me thru this... cuz I know that we had that special relationship that just worked, it was a look and the hug that followed that seemed to make all my worries go away... You are an amazing man!
Tiff- I see pics of us as we grew up... and I smile that I was able to be there as you drifted to heaven. I know that being here to watch the kids grow would have been your choice... but I know that you are with them always. I miss our laughs together.
Vicky, I only wished that I was able to sit and talk with you more. I have felt your presents by me- often. Although, I feel that Adam needs you more then I. But the few minutes that I was with you before you passed... are something that I will always cherish, never forget, and hold in my heart forever.
Archer, Andrew, Akira...Aaron and Amber... Marlena... Gosh what I would not do to have a hug from y'all. I want to hear the kids laughing and feel their little arms wrap around me with their little but big hugs. I know that your leaving was necessary, but man oh man do I miss you! Oregon is soooo far away! I still want to come up there and have a mini vacation with you guys!
Finally- (getting there and working hard on me) I miss myself... I do love myself... that is where it starts! Right!!!? I know that I say that I am working on things... and I am. It just seems like it is taking forever to move on with my life. Everyday when I wake up, I think to myself that today is a better day then yesterday. And for the most part... it is. But I seem to loose myself in all the retarded mess that I have seemed to get into. I really do think that I am making things harder then I need to... or am I just thinking too hard and expecting too much out of me-right now. But why would I not expect more out of myself... ? Frustrating - right? Its this dumb argument that I seem to have when I am alone! Which- these days- is a lot! Well, all I know is that the minute I feel like running, I stop and think of Clarissa and I think that I need to teach her better -to not run. Because the problems just follow your rear and catch up.
WOW- I am sappy today! YIKES! Kinda needed a good cry- kinda felt good...!
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